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3fgburner
THE BURNER DIARIES
WEDNESDAY, 8/22:
Unable to load the car Tuesday, because of rain. Got everything packed and ready to go, though. Tubs simplify Car Tetris, a great deal. Rolled out, 1000.
US 48 between I-81 and I-79 is... interesting. It's ok westbound, but not gonna do that on the way back.
Lunched in Nitro, WV. Crashed in Louisville.
THURSDAY:
Long-ass way across IN, IL, 1.5x MO, bit of IA, and into NE. First hints of future tire problem.
Google Maps had shown I-29 going from I-70 to I-80, via Council Bluffs, IA and then through Omaha to Lincoln. Phone showed this back-road looking thing, NE Route 2. Cut over from about 8 miles into IA, straight to Lincoln. Worth a shot.
NE Route 2 turns out to be mostly 4 lanes, with a 70mph speed limit. WIN. Also, it changed the directions to my hotel.
Old: Coming west on I-80, get on US-77, cut down through Lincoln to 10th St, which fades into 12th, then fades into 13th, then 14th, then cut around behind some stuff...
New: Take 2 into Lincoln, hook a left on 14th.... WIN.
FRIDAY:
Most of NE and most of WY. Glad for western speed limits. I have since learned that the randomly-placed fences out in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming, are snow fences.
On one hand, lots o work zones. On the other, most cone-zone speed limits are 65mph.
NE and WY look flat-ish, but get lumpy toward the west. Then you suddenly find out you're at 6000+ feet of altitude.
Terrain in western Wyoming looks like the background to a Roadrunner / Coyote cartoon.
SATURDAY:
Eastern part of the Utah pan-handle, before you get to Salt Lake, is ski country. Houses perched on mountains, very scenic and picturesque. Someone described it as "Mormon Switzerland". Fits.
The downtown speed limit on I-80 and I-15 through Salt Lake City, is 70mph.
Lots of UT and NV exits have signs that say "no services" -- "Yes, this is a town. It does not, however, have a gas station."
Saw some tunnel-bridge-thingies in Nevada, and realize the tops are unpaved. Turns out they're animal-migration bridges.
The westernmost 40 miles or so of I-80 in Utah, run across the Bonneville Salt Flats.
Nevada gas stations have liquor and slot machines. Actually, a lot of states west of the Mississippi have gas stations with booze. Fortunately, they have an even better caffeine and energy selection.
Saw my first ad for a Nevada strip club, 70 miles before the Nevada border.
Missed the point of that whole "no services" thing, gas gauge was drooping before Lovelock, NV. There was a bit of pucker factor.
Made it to Reno. Crashed, after prepping the car for transition to Burn. Filled water jugs, and Camelbak.
SUNDAY, 8/26:
Rolled out of Reno, 0700. Gassed at USA Parkway, anticipating Fernley would be a zoo. Amusingly, there was road construction, necessitating a back-road, back-track to get onto 80. Only in Nevada would this take you past a direction sign to a bordello.
Got onto 447. Except for a couple sitting at the stop sign in Wadsworth, I didn’t see any Feds. Methinks that the massive stink raised by Burners, put the kibosh on their ops. I did, however, make VERY sure to stop precisely at the sign, and signal my turn.
447 was fast, despite the long caravan of Burners. Made it to Gate Road by 0900. Following is my transition from Facebook posts, to this document:
1000, or so: Lost signal, so writing here for the duration. Sitting in line, running the fan, killed my battery. Caused a bit of a snarl until I could get the jump box out. Recharging jump box now.
Lack o signal, so dug out the hardcopy of Angeleyes that I scored from MadMike at Pennsic. Reading that was why I didn't notice the battery dying.
Day 5, so far, not using the AC
1205-1400: Alternated creeping and idling. Porta-Pot trip resulted in folks asking if I had the wherewithal to jump-start a damsel in distress. Jump box For The Win.
1537: Gate closed for extreme weather.
1800: GATE IS OPEN.
My shemagh is full of dust. (Of course it is, we’ve been sitting in a frigging Haboob since 0900.
1900: getting closer.
1920: over 12 hours from Reno, 10.5 at gate.
Got in past Greeters, 2030. 11.5 hour Gate wait.
Got to Soft Landing, Mayor for Day met me. Guided me to the 10x10 chunk of shade where I set up my 10x10 tent.
A Kodiak flex-bow tent is a bit strenuous to put up, but very straightforward.
Tent up, car unloaded, crash by 2300.
MONDAY:
Up, stow tubs, "bathe"
Drink tea, break fast, find Playa Bike Repair. Not open till 1100.. Back to camp for a bit. Hit PBR, and there was a line. Barely made it back to camp in time for the Monday camp meeting.
Realized during tea training that serving would help tune me up for Guardian shifts. That is, trying (sometimes not so successfully) to keep my ego out of the energy pool of tea service, would help with Guardian stuff.
Took a bike ride to the Playa. 45+ years of not riding a bike, meant learning. If you're fat and middle-aged, that whole "effortlessly cruising" thing is bullshit. Also, the PBR bike seat hurts my ass.
Made it out to Temple Guardians Outpost. Got pix. Got back to camp, and vegged.
While sitting in the kitchen, conversed with my campmate Bibs, who was cooking for the vegetarian meal plan group.
Turned out that she didn't have the ingredients she expected. Available spices were different, too. She wasn't sure of timing and technique, so asked for some advice. Result was her cooking, me sitting in my chair and back-seat driving.
One-pot cooking, so started the rice first. 10-15 minutes later, sweet potatoes. Lentils had been soaking, so went in after. Then, chopped veggies.
Winged the spices. Curry powder, Mustard, and pepper to start. Turned up garlic powder and onion powder. YES!! We have salt! As a last touch, she chopped fresh ginger root.
Camp inhaled it.
Biggest thing, Monday evening:Temple Guardians Training. Intense, and conveyed a new worldview. That was a true transition, emphasized by our leader, Carousel. He drew a line in the dust, across the front of the class. Invited us to step over. Being up front, I was one of the first. No more "I signed up to be a Guardian". I AM a Guardian.
Rode most of the way back, was hurting so bad at the end that I walked the bike back the last two blocks.
Vegged in teahouse till I crashed.
TUESDAY:
Up betimes. I lucked out last night at the porta-shitter - there was a wee bit of TP. This morning, I loaded a Ziploc with Ultra-Kleenices. Broke fast with the remains of yesterday's Gunner's Lunch. Decided to go walkabout on foot, thankyouverymuch. I did install the taillight on the bike, plus blue-foam mod on seat. Got back to camp in time for my 1800-2400 tea shift. Made sure that I actually ate before serving.
Caught lots of good art and freaky camps.
Hit the DPS ghetto bar, looking for a friend. Left word to say hi for me.
Vibrator races. Godzilla camp. Iced yerba mate'. Brief ride on a small art car. Brief chat with Rat Bastard.
Tea shift: six hours of pouring and serving tea goes at variable speeds. Depends how many are there, and conversation topics. Over my 3 tea shifts, a huge variety. People, nationalities, languages, viewpoints. Totally worth it.
WEDNESDAY:
Actual breakfast. Finally ate a couple of fruit cups. Oatmeal. Mocha. Couple of Beef n Cheese.
Instead of washing the coffee and oatmeal cups, then dealing with gray water: Slosh with enough fresh water to loosen particulates, and drink that.
Ablutions:
Cheap dish cloths For The Win. Squirt bottle now has a fairly high concentration of vinegar and Castile soap. Spray, and wipe with one. Soak another in clean, and use that for rinse. Hang dry, toss in laundry bag. Use antiseptic wet wipes to taste.
I can, in fact, shave by touch. Hold basin under face, toss whiskers in MOOP can.
Gold Bond: You will always spill. Basin on camp stool. Horse stance over basin. Powder up.
Out to Playa. Negotiated a truce between my ass and the bike. Went to Temple, not open, might open 1600. Figured that going home, and back to Temple, would mean missing my tea shift.
Got to see some of the inner-Playa art. Young lady minding the giant puppets, recalled seeing me at Wickerman. Cool.
Being in the center meant picking my radius. Headed out to Habitat for Insanity. Got to see Dome Monkey for the first time in 4.5 years. Wound up helping her and Teppy a bit with snow-cone flavors. Sat and shot the shit with Metty Moop until I realized I was zoning. Back to camp, crashed in snuggle space for half an hour till my shift.
THURSDAY:
Up, drank Monster and ate a bit while tidying and loading pack. Schedule: 1100-1500 in Temple.
The Plan: Go off-shift, switch headspace to Participant. Return to Temple for memorial mission. Return to camp at leisure, dinner, tea shift.
Thursday PM: No plan survives contacts, etc... Got out early, did my business BEFORE shift.
Finding Outpost in a dust storm was… interesting. Adjust headspace in opposite direction from plan.
The Temple: cranked my Burn up to 12.
There was a concert. When they played Simple Gifts / Lord of the Dance, I lost it. There were several moments that got to me. I watched a Soldier's memorial (Boots, rifle, helmet) being installed. I went by later. Just then, a guy started playing Taps.
No fun like the fun of pulling your first Guardian shift in a whiteout / dust storm.
I admonished a bozo who had climbed up about ten feet. He said "excuse me, I'm busy writing", in a snarky tone. I do not have a Playa name. I have, however, now given one.
When the bozo came down, I walked over."There are two rules: No fire, and no climbing. Your new Playa name is Monkeybars."
One intense Guardian moment. A participant had just written to a friend who'd committed suicide. Then, he looked down a bit. A foot or so down, he saw "maybe this is the year that I burn me." This, understandably, seriously messed with the guy's head.
Wednesday, I saw two different pairs of people doing a thing called an Infinity Hug. One person clasps hands. Other reaches through their arms, and clasps own hands. Holding arms up, you see an Infinity sign. Go close, transitioning to a hug by taking clasped hands back over the other's head. At release time, draw back, keeping hands clasped, and come back over the other's head. Finish, by holding hands-four.
Seeing this twice, made me think. "Hmm", says I. “I am possibly meant to learn this."..
In the Temple, in that moment, I used it.
One of the things that grabbed me whenever I came across one: Cat memorials. Someone actually brought their cat's old scratching perch. Damn.
After shift, headed in. Had to walk the bike into the headwinds., saw Center Camp.
During tea service, around 2230, heard a ripping sound. My ancient and trusty camp stool was splitting. I stood up just in time to avoid being dumped onto my co-servers.
FRIDAY:
No ambition for food, forced some down. Stool dead. I have rope, paracord, and theory of weaving. Stool has a woven cord seat in my colors.
Burn Perimeter Training: Fucking intense.
Turns out Carousel, the trainer, works in a California tiger sanctuary. They give the furbabies goat’s milk as a treat.
At Habitat, got into a discussion of technical virginity. I am probably reacting differently from someone who's never Burned. For me, the "I'm at a Burn, how do I be a Burner?" thing was settled long ago. I didn't have any culture-shock issues. My mind-expanding experiences have related to the sheer physical size and variety. Did not make Back it to Habitat for their pizza thingy.
Back, met more campmates. Indian dude in a Fred Flintstone leopard toga is Ravi, and a fellow Madhur Jaffrey fan
Saw many art cars. Discussion with nice ladies from NZ, in one of the theme camp bars.
Wandered widdershins, got a taxi ride to Center Camp. Had yerba mate'. Wandering back, hopped on an art car, went to the Esplanade. Beaucoup art cars, insane sound camps, totally whacked-out people, bikes, costumes. Loved the musical lightning towers -- Camp Hexagon's Tesla Coils. I got brief video of a Thunderdome fight. Too late to fight, myself, alas. Had fun showing the bouncer the pic of me in armor, @ Pennsic ‘15. Taxi pedaler and I were both Boy Scout troop buglers.
SATURDAY:
Sleeping gear rolled. Goal is to reorganize tubs, nonessentials in car, minimal pack-out Sunday. Load pack for the day. That done, ablute; dress; and wander the Playa.
Actuality: Vegged in camp, schmoozed with campmates, puttered with gear. First time I have felt hot, realized that I was sweating. Interesting connection: Podmates behind my tent are shooters. Gifted some Coexist stickers.
Carved up the blue foam, and made my kneeling pad for the Temple burn.
SUNDAY:
My phone's clock has an obnoxious rooster alarm that works well at 0200. NO question whatsoever about wearing the sweatshirt. It was bloody cold, sweatshirt went on. Pack was ready. Biked out across a Playa that was still a zoo of art cars. Had some insights. The Temple, and the privilege of serving in it, were Burning Man's gift to me.It was a shift. Fire-guarded a few rituals with incense or tobacco. Watching one, couple dudes wandered by with a stick going. I invited them to join my fire watch. One screwup – my reflexes were too slow. Incense Dude decided to smudge this guy who was sitting in Lotus, weeping, and having a Temple Moment. I should have stopped Incense Dude and pointed out consent issues. Guy on the ground composed himself and left, shortly after. I’m not sure if the guy on the ground was done, or Incense Dude had screwed up his Moment. I feel bad about this.
Two climbers. One lady really needed to write. The guy with her solved it by letting her stand on his shoulders. The other just wanted clear space. I found him a bit. Made more spontaneous connections. Was gifted a Carnevale mask fridge magnet. On the topic of describing Burning Man: the teacup analogy came up. At any time, suppose that our capacity to perceive, retain, and comprehend is a teacup at a time. In our daily lives, we usually keep filling, and processing the contents of, that teacup from a bucket. Burning Man is the ocean.
Sunrise at the temple. Slowly, everyone spontaneously turned East. Watched the Sun come up. Several art cars gathered near, and the one made to look like a cathedral (turns out its name is Sanctuary), hosted a choral concert. A couple hundred feet out-playa from the Temple, there were fire-spinners. I saw, in the distance, Radia Lumia, and the 747. Likewise, the huge-ass polar bear. Abraxas came by the Temple. Incidentally, when I saw what looked like Abraxas shrunk in the wash (about minivan sized), I wasn’t hallucinating. She DID have a baby tagging along this year.
Rode the bike straight to PBR and returned it. Hoofed back to camp. Nibbled, drank, vegged till 1030. Next: porta-pot, organize during-trip vs go home, load, be ready at 1400.
I realized that 1430 would give me enough walking time to get to Outpost by 1545. Car loaded and done by 1400, vegged a last half-hour. Said goodbyes to those who’d be leaving. Out to playa.
Walked through an art piece that was a booth, surrounded by vertical poles with cutout fairies on top. One of the fairies told me to come back after dark. Hey, it’s Burning Man. Of COURSE a cutout silhouette of a fairy will talk to you.
Signed in, got my Burn Perimeter badge. Out to the vicinity of the Temple, for group photo. I hid out in the back row – probably not visible in the pic. Then, perimeter. Grab a traffic cone. Walk WAAY out there – perimeter was a 500’ radius from Temple center. Pointed out to people that folk inside the Temple were loading it up with Unsafe Things, and that was why the Temple was closed. Directed them to the 6:00 O'Clock radius (back toward remains of the man / Center Camp), for Offering Carriers and/or Memory Boxes.
Campmate came by, hugged me, said she’d tell the gang where I was. Resulted in a bunch of Soft Landing folk watching the Burn right by me.
I, of course, did not see the Burn directly. I saw it reflected as firelight, on the faces of those in my sector. I also felt it, as heat on my back. One exception – A Ranger came up to me, said he’d watch my sector while I took a peek. I did, saw the outermost timbers still standing in the flames. I’ve since seen a short video of the beginning of the burn. The central spire collapsed within 4 minutes. That explained the first wave of wolf-howls that went around the ring.
An hour and a half, kneeling, until the fire collapsed enough that they dropped the perimeter. If it hadn't been for the kneeling pad and my stick, I wouldn't have lasted. By the time the perimeter dropped, I was pretty well done. Wandered to the Outpost, found out I didn't have to check out.
On the way back to camp, I stopped by the fairy booth. It asked me some questions, then gave me advice based on my responses.
Back to camp, as quickly as I could. Said some goodbyes, and got my mummy bag out of the car. Crashed in the teahouse, till I woke up Monday morning.
MONDAY (9/3):
Awake around 0430ish (crashed before 2300). Last porta-pot run, last goodbyes. Put on my boots, and decided to hell with dressing. Drove out in swim trunks, t-shirt, and boots – BDUs too much of a nuisance.
0500 – Rolling, toward Gate Road. Heard on BMIR, a lady at her first Burning Man. She was from DC, and had learned of BM via Catharsis. They said Exodus was like 2 hours. While there were times that I was idling in first gear, at 5-10mph, I did not hit my brakes once between turning onto the perimeter road, and hitting pavement. Visualize a DC rush hour, with NO ASSHOLES. “Merge, 8 to 4, please.” Sure. Nice polite zipper-merge. “Merge, 4 to 2, please.” No problemo. “Merge, 2 to single lane, please”. No hiccups. Damn. One of the wilder moments of the Burn, as I was leaving.
Sunrise on 447. Wasn't doing any 70 mph, but moving along fairly well. Hit the 80, backtracked to USA Parkway again. Expended my vinegar-squirt bottle on my windshield, Also, BYO squeegee was good idea.
Passed a bunch of Burners (you could tell by the weird squeegee-marks on windshields and windows) going through Nevada and into Utah.
The first 40 miles or so of I-80 in Utah, runs across the Bonneville Salt Flats. I now know how fast Rosie will go. No, I'm not telling, on the Web.
SLC, found a car wash. Super-deluxe, operator-assisted, and still had Playa dust / mud in corners and crevices after. Meh. Motel had a recycling bin in the lobby, dumped cans n bottles. Burger Thing drive-through for dinner, took it to the room.
TUESDAY:
Gassed on the north side of SLC. The steep up-grades I'd worried about on the return, weren't as bad as I'd anticipated. Did have some issues (they'd actually started on the way out) with left front tire going low. Had to use my compressor in camp on Sunday before leaving Monday.
In Wyoming, saw some antelopes, finally. Also lots of cattle, and some bison ranches. And a llama ranch. Roadwork wasn't as bad as on the way out, and some shut down till mid-week for the holiday. Started catching rain.
Nebraska – I wasn't going all the way to Lincoln, just Lexington (halfway across the state). However, at gas stop, the tire gave up the ghost. There's nothing quite like changing a tire in a howling Nebraska thunderstorm. Particularly since whoever put the spare on the rack, 13-14 years ago, apparently impact-wrenched it. On the other hand, my Kodiak tent has steel poles. Can you say “Cheater bar”, boys and girls? I knew you could. I was, to myself, yelling “Radical self-reliance, bay-bee!!” as I did this.
Long, HOT shower in motel. Dinner was munchies from my playa pack.
WEDNESDAY:
Played smart-ass in the rain. Parked my luggage under the portico of the motel, backed Rosie INTO the portico. Told people behind me I'd be out of the way right quick, apologized for being a smart-ass. The guy said, “don't worry, we're gonna do that, too.”
Last half of Nebraska. Drop off of 80 in Lincoln, briefly onto US-77. Get off on Van Dorn Street (wait a minute, how did I get space-warped to Alexandria?), aka Nebr Rte 2. Difference is, Van Dorn in Alexandria doesn't get to 55mph by the time you leave town.
Gassed and ate, NE of KC. Next gas stop, off I64 in St Louis. Then, OF COURSE, dealt with rush hour St Louie traffic. Southern Illinois via I-64 has one advantage. You can get the hell through it right quick.
On to western Indiana, for last motel night.
THURSDAY:
Lost a couple minutes jumping the car. Battery had been getting flakier for a while. Lost more time at gas station, because the bozo ringing up my energy drinks held me up, looking through a long-ass PAPER LIST, to see if my Dew Kickstarts were on sale. I did not give a rat's ass about sale prices. He got the message and rang that stuff up.
Made it around Louisville's rush hour via the inner beltway. Survived Lexington's road work. Made it through Charleston, WV, and past the dimwits on the turnpike section of WV I-64. Last gas in WV, got late lunch from a charity food stand. On to VA. Nicely deserted, twisty mountain roads. Let my tank get low enough that I had to go for nearest gas, which meant plowing through downtown Lexington, VA. Planned ETA for home was 1930, made 1945.
Out for Sushi, Moose Tracks ice cream for dessert, home, DONE.
That was my 62nd birthday. What is this “Old” thing, of which you speak? I know not this phrase.
